...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize