drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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