Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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