Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
