Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
