i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
