life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
