Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize