Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
