Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
