im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
