I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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