New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
