Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize