fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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