i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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