dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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