Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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