i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize