Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
