i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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