In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
