the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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