I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize