I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
