She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
