god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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