Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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