I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
