just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
