:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
