Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
