I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
