I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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