My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize