the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
