I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
