Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
