Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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