WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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