I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
