It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
