what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
