Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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