I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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