I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
