im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
