I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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