I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
