I wish I could teleport
Plan B is the new Plan A
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
