well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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