my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
