we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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