apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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