Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize