I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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