At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
