i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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