u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
