R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
