she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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