Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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