First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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