wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
