I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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