I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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