Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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