if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
