google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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