If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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