Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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