don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
