you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
