and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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