Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize