I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm at about main and main street
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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