The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
