Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
