i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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