I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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