i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
