drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
