He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
