FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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