wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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