I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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