we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
