He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
