Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
