a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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