the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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